Finding the balance

Today at school, while I was sitting in the library, the urge to donate a book of mine suddenly struck me. I've carried this book with me for months - I've read it multiple time - and I decided that I wasn't finished with it yet, but when I picked it up off the table it seemed to repel my hand. When I returned home I realized why this urge had come over me.

While I was on my way home I spontaneously imagined myself speaking with a psychologist. It began as an usual conversation, but when he inquired of me my spiritual and theological ideas it became something else. I first described to him my introduction into philosophy; a few years ago I wanted to become a pathologist and save lives, but early in my personal studies I was perplexed by a number of difficult questions. It was those questions that lead me to philosophy.

Eventually I grew tired of the systematic mechanics of "reason" that you find in much of western philosophy. My studies ventured east and I found the Tao Teh Ching. I grew very intimate with this book. Regardless of my discoveries I, still, couldn't find direction. My first lesson was to seek a more personal truth: intuition. One day I spontaneously, from intuition alone, found Christ. Christ was the answer, but not for long. Sometimes I would be a fundamentalist Christian. Sometimes I would be a radical intellectualist. Sometimes I would be a devote Taoist. Sometimes I would be carefree. Sometimes I would try to correlate my ideas. Sometimes I was sure I was going insane.

Needless to say, what once was a series of emotional fluctuations became a vicious circle. This "circle" prompted my next discovery.

I was told by a stranger, some time ago, that true knowledge arises out of necessity rather than desire. "First you must find your balance, only then will you venture further down the rabbit hole." Sometime later I had a dream; I was in the wilderness, in a valley, and there was a relatively large hole in the ground. I was wandering in circles around it trying to lose my balance, but I couldn't fall in. This seemed to relate directly to the tip I received. I then realized, because of my book, that it is solely because I am trying to fall into it, trying to lose my balance, that I cannot. I must let go of Christ, of the Tao, of Freedom, of Knowledge, to find balance, for each of these anchor me to the circle. I must really unlearn my learning to fall into the center. I must really unlearn my learning to follow the Tao.

Each of these small events has lead me to such a distinct and powerful, yet simple, discovery. It struck me like a bolt of lightning... Is it destiny?

Discoveries such as this seem to be becoming more frequent. I don't think I need that damned book anymore.

The school yard

A moral issue, many of us will face within our life time, maybe we are the bully, the bullied or the randomer standing in the corner; it happens, we know of it, yet schools have a hard time stopping it.
Like I said, many of us have experienced it or is experiencing it, we all know what happens in the school grounds at lunch & at interval, squabbles and arguments, rumours and tales; but how much of it is true & why does it still happen?
Well, firstly we need to understand the schools 'chain of command' as such; popular kids being at the top, and geeks, or 'intellectuals' at the bottom. It's cruel how we live in a world where the popular feast upon the smart, the smart are our future, not these bullies. Although, I am not saying for one moment all popular children at bullies, not at all. But when was the last time the intellectuals doing the bullying, lets be serious here.

I could easily sit here and blame it on many things, jealously, they know that they are the future, and they will be spending their life cleaning out gutters (a job is a job, right?) while they are making money doing what they love to do. I could also say that their ego is forcing them to do, that if they do not bully, they will become the bully when their 'friend' turn upon him/her for being 'weak'. Or, in realism manning up for the truth and the moral.
We could also say insecurity that they feel insecure in their lives that they must make others feel bad in order for them to feel good about themselves, sad really. We equally could blame it on the parents for raising a beast; not a child.

But, at the end of the day, we do not know what happens in the school grounds, and that may be a good thing; but we do know this is happening and it is really sad. If they acted like this in the 'big bad world; they would be literally eaten alive, yet they still do in school. Can we really stop this or has this became part of our society, that we expect the smarter ones to have their life ruined because they listen in class, or teased because of their test results, no, not really. They do not. And for a lot of intellectuals, this will be the worst years of their life.

With the age of modern technology people are now taking to cyber-bullying; perfectly fine for your good old cyber geek. But for other intellectuals, not so. These people go to school & get hell; yet they cannot escape it in the vast array that we call 'The Internet', for some people it is a hell hole. For most, when school bullies would come up and hit you and that would be that, you would fight and it's over, are far gone, long gone. These people prefer to destroy their 'victims' life, slowly, emotionally and mentally. Some even try 'cyberly' now as I have said. It's a shame.

This should not be happening, yet it is. What is our world coming to.

- By Ally Mac